Module 37

Age-Appropriate Coping Strategy Cards

Practical calming and coping techniques organized by developmental stage

Toddlers (Ages 1-3)

Toddlers can't yet name their emotions or use complex strategies. Coping at this stage is co-regulation — you are the strategy. Your calm nervous system helps regulate theirs.

Physical / Sensory Strategies

Bear hug— Firm, steady pressure for 10-20 seconds. Activates proprioceptive calming.

Rocking or swaying— Hold child and sway side to side. Rhythmic vestibular input calms the nervous system.

Blowing bubbles— Encourages slow exhale — the earliest form of breathing regulation.

Water play— Running hands under warm water, pouring between cups. Deeply regulating for most toddlers.

Squeezing playdough— Heavy work for the hands provides proprioceptive input and redirects big energy.

Noise-canceling space— Move to a quieter room, dim lights, reduce stimulation. Sensory overload drives most toddler meltdowns.

Caregiver-Led Strategies

Narrate the emotion— "You're really mad the tower fell. That's frustrating." Simple labels build future emotional vocabulary.

Offer two choices— "Do you want to squeeze the pillow or stomp your feet?" Choices restore a sense of control.

Validate before redirecting— "I see you're upset" (pause). Then redirect. Skipping validation escalates the meltdown.

Preschoolers (Ages 3-5)

Preschoolers are beginning to identify emotions and can learn simple strategies with practice and visual cues. They still need co-regulation most of the time but can start self-regulation in low-stress moments.

Breathing Strategies

Smell the flower, blow out the candle— Breathe in through the nose (smell the flower), out through the mouth (blow out the candle). Repeat 3x.

Hot cocoa breathing— Cup hands around an imaginary mug. Smell the cocoa (inhale). Cool it down (long exhale). Repeat.

Balloon belly— Hands on belly. Breathe in to inflate the balloon. Slow exhale to deflate. Visual/tactile feedback helps them feel it.

Physical Strategies

Shake it out— Shake arms, legs, whole body for 10 seconds then freeze. Releases tension through gross motor discharge.

Wall push-ups— Hands on wall, push hard for 10 seconds. Heavy work calms the nervous system.

Animal walks— Bear walk, crab walk, frog jump. Channeling energy into purposeful movement.

Squish (pillow sandwich)— Child lies between two couch cushions with gentle pressure. Deep pressure is organizing.

Cognitive / Creative Strategies

Feelings check-in chart— Visual chart with face emojis. Child points to how they feel. Builds awareness before regulation.

Draw the feeling— Give paper and crayons. "Draw what mad looks like." Externalizes the emotion.

Read a feelings book— Books like "The Color Monster" or "In My Heart" build vocabulary and normalize emotions.

School-Age (Ages 6-11)

School-age children can understand cause and effect, use multi-step strategies, and begin to self-regulate independently in moderately stressful situations. They benefit from having a personal toolkit of 3-4 go-to strategies.

Breathing & Body Strategies

Box breathing (4-4-4-4)— Breathe in 4 counts, hold 4, out 4, hold 4. Repeat 3 rounds. Activates parasympathetic nervous system.

5-4-3-2-1 grounding— Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Anchors to the present moment.

Progressive muscle relaxation— Squeeze fists tight (5 sec), release. Work up through arms, shoulders, face. Feel the contrast.

Cold water reset— Splash cold water on face or hold ice cube. Activates the dive reflex, which slows heart rate.

Cognitive Strategies

Thought stopping— Visualize a stop sign when a worry loop starts. Replace with a coping statement: "I can handle this."

Scale it 1-10— "How big is this problem? 1 is tiny, 10 is emergency." Builds perspective and proportional response.

Worry journal— Write the worry down, then write one thing you can control about it. Externalizing reduces rumination.

Reframe the story— "What else could be true?" Practice generating alternative explanations for upsetting events.

Social / Behavioral Strategies

Take a break (self-directed)— "I need a minute" — then use a strategy. Normalize stepping away as strength, not weakness.

Talk to a trusted person— Identify 3-5 safe adults and friends they can go to. Practice what to say.

Physical outlet— Running, jumping rope, biking, climbing. Vigorous movement metabolizes stress hormones.

Teens (Ages 12-18)

Teens have adult-level cognitive capacity for coping but an amygdala that's still maturing (prefrontal cortex isn't fully online until ~25). They need strategies that respect their autonomy while providing real tools for intense emotions.

Physiological Strategies

Physiological sigh (double inhale)— Two quick inhales through the nose, then a long slow exhale through the mouth. One of the fastest ways to downregulate in real-time.

Bilateral stimulation— Alternating tapping knees, butterfly hug (cross arms, tap shoulders alternately). Engages both hemispheres.

Intense exercise— Sprint, heavy bag, intense music and dancing. Metabolizes cortisol and adrenaline directly.

Temperature regulation— Cold shower, ice on wrists, stepping outside in cold air. Vagal nerve activation.

Cognitive / Emotional Strategies

Cognitive defusion— "I notice I'm having the thought that I'm not good enough" — observing thoughts rather than being fused with them.

Values check— "Does this reaction match who I want to be?" Connects behavior to identity and long-term goals.

Worry time scheduling— Set aside 15 minutes per day for worrying. Outside that time, write the worry down and postpone it. Reduces chronic rumination.

Gratitude reframe— Name 3 specific things that went well today. Specific > generic ("My friend texted to check on me" vs. "I'm grateful for friends").

Social / Lifestyle Strategies

Social media boundaries— Unfollow accounts that trigger comparison. Set app timers. Don't check within 1 hour of waking or sleeping.

Journaling (expressive writing)— 20 minutes of freewriting about stressful events. Research shows measurable reductions in anxiety after 4 days.

Creative expression— Music, art, poetry, dance — non-verbal processing of emotions that may be too complex for words.

Mentorship / peer support— Structured groups, older mentors, therapy. Normalize asking for help as a life skill, not a sign of failure.