Family Accommodation Audit

Identify how you may be inadvertently maintaining your child's anxiety

Family Accommodation Audit

How to Use This

How to Use This: Read through each category and honestly check off any behaviors you recognize in yourself. This is not about blame -- it is about identifying specific patterns you can change. Then use the Reduction Plan at the bottom to pick one to work on.

Key Terms

Key terms: 'Accommodation' means anything a parent does to help a child avoid or reduce anxiety in the short term, which unintentionally reinforces the anxiety long term. 'SPACE' stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions, a parent-based treatment program.

A landmark study showed that parent-based treatment (SPACE) is as effective as CBT for childhood anxiety (Lebowitz et al., 2020, PMID: 30851397). The key mechanism: reducing family accommodation. Use this audit to identify your patterns.

Common Accommodation Patterns

Reassurance-Seeking

I frequently tell my child 'It's okay, nothing bad will happen'

I answer the same worry question multiple times a day

I check things for my child to prove they are safe (under bed, locks, weather)

I provide verbal reassurance before my child even asks

Avoidance-Enabling

I let my child skip activities because they are anxious (parties, school events, sleepovers)

I speak for my child in social situations

I make phone calls or order food for my child to avoid their anxiety

I do not push back when my child refuses to try something new

Routine Modification

I have changed family routines to avoid my child's triggers

I drive a specific route, avoid specific stores, or skip certain activities

I sleep in my child's room or let them sleep in mine regularly

I prepare special meals to avoid mealtime anxiety

Ritual Participation

I participate in checking rituals (doors, windows, appliances)

I follow specific goodbye or bedtime rituals that seem excessive

I wash, clean, or arrange things a specific way my child demands

No Guilt

Count the items you checked. Most parents of anxious children check 5-10+ items. This is normal and not your fault. Each checked item is an opportunity for change.

Reduction Plan

Choose the SMALLEST accommodation you checked. Start there. Communicate the change to your child in advance. Be consistent.

Accommodation I will reduce first:

What I will say/do instead:

Start date:

Important

If your child's anxiety is severe, involves self-harm, or significantly impairs daily functioning, seek professional help before attempting to reduce accommodations on your own. A therapist trained in SPACE or CBT can guide the process safely.

Next Steps

Next Steps: After successfully reducing one accommodation for 2-3 weeks, return to this audit and choose the next smallest accommodation to work on. Consider pairing this with the Exposure Hierarchy Builder for a structured approach.